a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
