Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
