I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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