He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
