I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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