Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize