I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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