After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
