You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
