I hope mine doesn't look like that
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
