Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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