i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
