I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
