she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
