it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
