How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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