You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
