I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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