Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
