Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
