I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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