I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
