this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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