Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
