i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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