The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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