News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
