i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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