I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
