11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
