She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
