His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
