i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
