I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
