One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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