Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
where does the pee come out of this thing
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
