At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
tell me about the eggs
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