i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
