Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
