The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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