i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
