we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
