your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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