How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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