It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
