Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize