We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
