I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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