Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
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