Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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