dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
