The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
