WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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