Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
