Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
