Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
