she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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