Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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