this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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