I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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