Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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