I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
