she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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