It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
