It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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