Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
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i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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