i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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