WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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